| drew davidson |
 

 

. . . & notes

for ludic academe

 

a pack of cards

a tarot deck

a hypertextual paper

a bad joke

ideas in play

by
drew davidson

 

 

 

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean---neither more nor less."

         "The question is,"  said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."

         "The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master---that's all."

 

I never fall apart because I never fall together. -Andy Warhol

 

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm. -Colette

 

Body odor is the window to the soul. -David Byrne

 

If you can't convince them, confuse them. -Harry S. Truman

 

Geek Rhetoric:  Adapt or You're Toast

 

Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you. -Joey Adams

 

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it. - Edgar Allen Poe

 

Curiosity has its own reason. -Albert Einstien

 

I try to treat you like an artist.  And all you want to do is fix toilets. -Ralph Lombreglia

 

I wasn't really naked.   I simply didn't have any clothes on. -Josephine Baker

 

This writing stuff.  Pencils and what-not.  Over-rated, if you ask me. -Eeyore

 

There will be no rock 'n' roll in hell. -Duffy Strode

 

Hey Rocky...watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat! -Bullwinkle

 

A pathetic display of ignorance from the start

 

Too much of a good thing is wonderful. -Mae West

 

Anything's within walking distance if you have the time. -Steven Wright

 

It takes a heap of sense to write good nonsense. -Mark Twain

 

When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course. -Peter Drucker

 

We can't all and some of us don't.  That's all there is to it. -Eeyore

 

A flute without holes is not a flute but a doughnut without a hole is a danish.  -"Caddyshack"

 

If ever we needed a brain, now is the time. -Squiggy Squiggman

 

Oh, bother! -Winnie the Pooh

 

It's a Mr. Death, or something.  He's come about the reaping. -Graham Chapman

 

Always remember to phrase your answer in the form of a question. -Alex Trebek

 

No way. -Wayne

 

Way. -Garth

 

Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight? -The Joker

 

How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this.-Ferris Beuller

 

This is what entertainment is all about- idiots, explosives and falling anvils. -Calvin

 

Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead. -Chinese Proverb

 

The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play.  -Captain Kirk

 

And now for something completely different. -Monty Python

 

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and sometimes it rains. -'Nuke' LaLoosh

 

Don't have a cow, man. -Bart Simpson

 

Never eat more than you can lift. -Miss Piggy

 

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. -Calvin

 

How dry I am!  How dry I am!  Nobody knows how dry I am! -Anonymous

 

To err is human -but it feels divine. -Mae West

 

It is a bawdy planet. -William Shakespeare

 

It happens every time.  They all turn into blueberrries. -Willy Wonka

 

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. -Lily Tomlin

 

(Punk rock is) lunging after some glimpse of a new and better world.  -Lester Bangs

 

One good turn gets most of the sheets. -Unknown

 

You can't trust your eyes if your imagination's out of focus.  -Mark Twain

 

Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans.  -John Lennon

 

 To be uncertain is to be uncomfortable, but to be certain is to be ridiculous.

         -Chinese proverb

 

Joker

What are You thinking?

 

Joker

What am I thinking?

 

Joker

Are we thinking?

 

Joker

This is a Joke.  Do You Get It?

 

Read Beckett, Sartre, Camus, Genet and Kafka and you'll say: "Life is absurd, the world is meaningless and all of creation is insane."

Read Hunter S Thompson and you'll say:  "Life is absurd, the world is meaningless and all of creation is insane -- cool."

 

Jokes, Riddles

 

Recipe for a Drink

 

  The Top Ten Lies Told by Graduate Students

  (taken from the Harvard Crimson)

 

 10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making

      $80,000 a year on Wall Street.

  9.  I'd be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.

  8.  My work has a lot of practical importance.

  7.  I would never date an undergraduate.

  6.  Your latest article was so inspiring.

  5.  I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.

  4.  I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.

  3.  The department is giving me so much support.

 2.  My job prospects look really good.

  1.  No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years.

 

 

  Top Five Lies Told by Teaching Assistants:

 

  5.  I'm not going to grant any extensions.

  4.  Call me any time.  I'm always available.

  3.  It doesn't matter what I think; write what you believe.

  2.  Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.

 1.  My other section is much better prepared than you guys.

 

 

  YOU JUST MIGHT BE A GRAD STUDENT IF:

 

  - You can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.

  - Your cubicle is better decorated than your apartment.

  - You have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the

        progress of your own joke across the Internet.

  - You are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.

  - You have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.

  - You rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your laptop.

  - Everything reminds you of something in your discipline.

  - You have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.

  - You have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while

        researching a single paper.

  - There is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider "yours."

  - You actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.

  - You can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at the library.

  - You look forward to summers because you're more productive

      without the distraction of classes.

  - You regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.

  - You consider all papers to be works in progress.

  - Professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.

  - You find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text.

  - You have given up trying to keep your books organized and are

       now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.

  - You have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.

  - You reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you

      realize that it's a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.

  - You find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade".

- You start refering to stories like "Snow White et al."

  - You frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting scurvy

- You look forward to taking some time off to do laundry

 - You have more photocopy cards than credit cards

  - You wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as

       "personal communication"

 

     THE DEAN

      Leaps tall buildings in a single bound

   Is more powerful than a locomotive

      Is faster than a speeding bullet

     Walks on water

    Gives policy to God

 

   THE DEPARTMENT HEAD

     Leaps short buildings in a single bound

     Is more powerful than a switch engine

     Is just as fast as a speeding bullet

      Talks with God

 

     THE TENURED PROFESSOR

      Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds

      Is almost as powerful as a switch engine

      Is faster than a speeding BB

      Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool

      Talks with God if a special request is honored

 

    JUNIOR FACUTLY

      Barely clears a quonset hut

      Loses tug of war with a locomotive

      Can fire a speeding bullet

      Swims well

     Is occassionally addressed by God

 

     POST-DOCS

      Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings

      Is run over by locomotives

     Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury

     Treads water

      Talks to animals

 

   PhD CANIDATE

     Climbs walls continually

      Rides the rails

      Plays Russian Roulette

      Walks on thin ice

      Prays a lot

 

    MASTERS CANIDATE

    Runs into buildings

     Recognizes locomotives two out of three times

     Is not issued ammunition

   Can stay afloat with a life jacket

     Talks to walls

 

     UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT

      Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings

    Says "Look at the choo-choo"

      Wets himself with a water pistol

     Plays in mud puddles

      Mumbles to himself

 

     DEPARTMENT SECRETARY

      Lifts buildings and walks under them

      Kicks locomotives off the tracks

      Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them

      Freezes water with a single glance

      She IS god

 

Marialisa Calta's article, "By the Daunserly Light."

               1. She talks about the word "daunserly" that she learned from the                     first verse of  "The Star-Spangled Banner", Oh say can you see                      by the daunserly light...  Daunserly was her own special word                        and to her, it meant: quick and sparkly, and she used it to                              describe how gazelles moved or how the sun danced on the                            ocean.  Well one day she used it aloud and her mother, after                           finding out what daunserly meant and where it came from,                            broke the truth to her. It wasn't daunserly, it was dawn's early.

 

 

"Be aware of wonder."

 

We can't stay 6 for ever and ever but if we stay young we                              might always be as clever as clever.

 

Ya gotta play the cards you're dealt,

or just deal again

 

deep into my mongrel life

 

oh well whatever nevermind

 

god not only plays dice with the universe, s/he cheats.

 

That Krazy Kat

         That's what's behind it.

Or, in other words,

"I ain't a Kat,

and I ain't Krazy" (Seldes 234)

"It's wot's behind me that I am" (Herriman 28)

 

 

she has that "certain I don't know what it is that I have" (Cantor 118)

 

 with the enchanted mesa miraging into cacti, sage,

tumbleweeding back again to a tree, of sorts

and a soft taco moon hangs above

oblivious to the constant state of flux below

 

this performative (re)presentation

has sounds, images and words

 a veritable poifick patois, yezza, a vocabulary composed of

          the play of images and words (Eisner 8)

so "that we may mis-unda-stend each udda" (Herriman 61)

s'turbil to think wot it would be udda wides

and other ways, just

"plain language, but in a higher plane" (Herriman 28)

where form is content and vice-versa

and "krazy just bums around along the Baseboards" (Herriman 28)

and you can hear and see it all,

even though no one says a word (McCloud 25)

 

"the why, nor whom of which                                               (McCloud 9)

         meaning nothing to us

[filling our lives] with nothing of something less

and something of nothing more . . .

yes- of course not" (Herriman 184)

 

You see, "You're not seeing what you're looking at, it's a mirage"

the kat ponders, "Do my eye dissive me, or do I dissive my eye?"

"Now do you see it?" says ignatz

"How should I know if I dun't see it, wen I din't know if I seen it wen I was looking at it?" and

"If I din't see wot I was looking at. How do I know I was hearing wot you was telling me?" queries krazy

"Oh, you just think you do, but you don't, just as you don't, but do," replies the mouse

"I wunda if I am me, am I here, or am I there?"  Or

Am i "only a obstikil dillusion"? (Herriman 193)

 

the peanut gallery can now begin to heckle

 

 

 


 

| drew davidson |